If Your Adult Child Won't Speak to You, Watch This. #relationship #viral #shorts

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Estrangement from a child or when a child creates distance with a parent or both parents can be a really tough situation for all concerned.

This post does not address every scenario.

I’m fully aware there are unique situations where a child creates distance for reasons that are unclear, potentially unfair and happen completely out of the blue.

However, in many situations there are underlying factors that the child has tried to express but the parent may not understand or share the same perspective on, subsequently leading to a stalemate situation.

Defensiveness, lack of capacity for emotion regulation, communication difficulties (including inability to listen and empathise) and lack of accountability are common blockers to repair.

This post is directed towards parents struggling with the lack of contact and seeks to provide valuable insight and practical approaches that I hope could go some way towards repair.

Here are TWO approaches a stressed parent might try.

1. The Accountability-First Approach

When to use: The child has expressed grievances, whether or not the parent agrees with all of them.

The approach: Lead with ownership, not defense.

Script:
“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what you’ve said. I may not understand everything the same way you do, but I can see that you’ve been carrying hurt.

Looking back, there are things I wish I had done differently. I can see moments when I was dismissive, controlling, unavailable, or unable to hear you the way you needed.

I’m not reaching out to convince you that your feelings are wrong. I’m reaching out because our relationship matters to me, and I want to understand more about your experience.

If there are things you want me to hear, I’m willing to listen.”

What makes it effective:

➡️Doesn’t argue facts.
➡️Doesn’t demand forgiveness.
➡️Doesn’t immediately explain or justify behavior.
➡️Focuses on impact rather than intent.

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2. The Curious Listener Approach

When to use: The child feels chronically misunderstood.

The approach: Replace certainty with curiosity.

Script:
"I realize that I've spent a lot of time trying to explain myself and not enough time trying to understand you.

If you're willing, I'd like to learn more about what this relationship has felt like from your side.

I won't promise I'll agree with every conclusion, but I do want to understand how you arrived there.

What are the experiences that made you feel most distant from me?"

Follow-up responses ????????

Instead of:
"That's not what happened."

Try:
"Tell me more about that."
Or:
"What was that like for you?"
Or:
"I can hear that was challenging for you."

What makes it effective:

Many estranged children report that being understood matters more initially than being agreed with.

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If you found this post useful and would like the scripts for approaches 3 and 4, please send a DM with the word SCRIPTS and your email address and we’ll send you all 4 on a PDF.

If you’d like advice on how to approach your own healing or personal development to evolve beyond limiting patterns, you can book a free call with me via the link in the comments.

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Wishing you a positive outcome!